First-time class wrestling at the MEM Wallsend 21/12/18
Friday night show, so a quick bolt out of work, trying to remember where the bus heading towards Wallsend leaves from that's close by. Luckily the one way system means it's not too far. My previous experience of Wallsend has basically been working security at the shipyards and a housing estate, so besides the shipyards and The transport hub, I know nothing of this end of town. Loading up Google maps takes the jeopardy of potentially ending up.in north Shields out of the equation.
So, a short bus ride with a stop close to the venue means I'm there 40 minutes early. Luckily the place is also close to the Anson pub on the high street - which now appears to be a chain pub of some kind of sizzler grill house chain. No real ales at all even though they have handpulls, but I'm buggered if I'm going halfway down the high street in search of another place, so a bottle of Newcastle brown it is.
Every year I participate in "whammageddon" - a background music survival game that starts on December 1st and ends when you're "whammed" by Last Christmas by Wham. This is by far the biggest risk I've taken on that front so far. Luckily, potential disaster was averted when the jukebox was turned off after someone put "baby shark" on. Day 21 and I'm still standing, though thanks to the baby shark earworm, it's somewhat of a pyrhic victory.
Anyhow, brown ale chucked down the throat, and it's off back to Wallsend memorial hall for a night of wrestling and the first class "king of the ring" six man tournament.
My usual haunts wrestling wise are edgier promotions with a slightly older audience, so this is a bit of a departure for me, but one I'm looking forward to based on good things I've heard about this promotion and the shows they've put on in the past.
Normally there's one or two things that ring alarm bells for me, and those are the usage of the terms "American wrestling" or "big time pro wrestling" on a poster for a British wrestling event. It's just a personal gripe on my part - I guess that's a hangover from the days of the shows that used to have performers portraying WWF characters, and the odd travelling show that I've been to. As you'll read later in this piece, this show shattered the expectations these these terms normally conjure up.
At the venue, the hot dogs are on the go, good news as I didn't grab anything at work or the pub beforehand. Beer wise, there's a small bar that covers most bases. Worthington's on as well
Confirmation at the merch stand that it's definitely not an inflatable hammer show. Posters, Mysterio masks, programmes and 8x10s were available though - the programs looked really nicely put together too.
Good to see a crowd of all ages here, and it looks like the venue is good for accessibility despite being upstairs.
The playlist beforehand has been pretty decent, various raw themes and a bit of hard rock. Admittedly there was a Robbie Williams track in there, but for a hype song in a family/all tastes environment "let me entertain you" is not a bad choice. Not sure about the mic on the announcements so far - it's sounded a touch low and a bit muffled at times, maybe that'll change when the MC comes to the ring.
This is one of the few shows up here that I've seen not using HT Drake's ring - we've got one of a similar size, with black, yellow and blue ropes, a sky blue canvas and royal blue apron skirts. It's like all the wrestling I watched during my childhood (wwf and wcw circa 1991) came together in this structure.
A heartily chanted along with countdown from 10 and "Ready to go" by Republica, signify that we're about to get underway
The first match is Finland's own Vitto Peru Vs first class champion Micky long
Both have flags with them - the Finnish flag and the Union flag respectively.
Vitto lets the audience know how high the level of disdain he has for them is.
Early on, it goes to the outside and Vitto misses a chop against the ring post that resonates around the room when his hand connects with the steel.
Micky gets everyone behind him and England, while the Fin keeps on mocking both, and the audience throughout.
Micky long gets the victory eventually with a death valley driver
Rammstein's "feuer Frei" plays and our next competitor is is out waving the jolly roger - from Merseyside, Tyson Taylor to go against Dean Allmark.
Deano's got the fans behind him here, and turns the tide on Taylor after a sneak attack at the start.
Taylor gets put outside and the younger members of the audience start giving him a lot of grief. There's the insult, and the injury comes in the form of a dive through the ropes from Deano.
As they battle back into the ring, the exchange gets a bit faster paced before we start seeing some of the kickboxing coming out from Deano.
Taylor begs off Deano and offers a handshake. While Allmark is asking the audience whether to go for it or not,
Tyson demonstrates the legitimacy of the offer offer by offering the ref one first. Deano eventually takes the hand and stamps on it much to the joy of those in attendance.
Taylor gets a public warning for a choke on the ropes - i didn't know they were using that system - good to see it being utilised though.
Deano goes for a top rope leg drop, and connects. As the referee's hand is less than an inch above the mat for the three, the bell goes. The 15 minute time limit has expired and both men are eliminated from the tournament.
Well done ending to that one in a really good match. Something like that takes a lot of skill to get the timing that spot on for that kind of an ending
Next up, Screwface Vs El Excentrico
Screwface's powerful and technical offence starts to get the better of the luchador, At one point he tries to unmask him at the ropes, but can't get it done before the five count and has to break.
After a bit more back and forth, Screwface ends up on the outside. He crawls under the ring to the other side picking up the chain from his ammobox on the way. The referee is looking for him on the side he crawled under, Excentrico tries to grab him through the ropes but is levelled with a fist wrapped in steel. That does it, and Screwface is through to the final. Apparently not through with Excentrico though, attacking him afterwards and choking him with the chain.
His opponent for later tonight comes out to make the save, as Screwface backs off towards the door Long ups the ante for the final by challenging Screwface to make it a chain match. Screwface accepts, but only if the belt is up for grabs. Micky does his best Zodiac impression while he lets the crowd decide (YES? NO?)
They settle on it. Now this I didn't expect with it being a family friendly show, chain matches are normally fairly brutal.
The kids in the audience are giving Micky the rocky entourage escort back to the locker room. It's great to see them enjoying it so much and behind the main guy there. Everyone there is hyped for the main event as we head into the interval.
We kick off with a number 1 contenders match
Another pirate flag is being carried out, this time by the henchman Jim Diehard as he is set to go up against the Union Flag waving James Mason
James is someone that's got a lot of experience behind him, is a well known great technican, and is one of the guys that I've really wanted the opportunity to see live, so this is really was a treat for me
The Henchman is a bit larger than Mason and holds the power advantage for a fair bit of the match. The offence that mason did get in on him was more quickness and slick technical wrestling
A trapezius hold isn't something you see a lot of these days, but when well used like it was here, by a bigger guy putting his weight on the shoulders of a plucky and popular underdog, it's great to see.
Henchman takes the win with a big splash - again, this was a fantastic old school style match.
For the match they're attached by the wrist as opposed to the neck. The presence of a pole in the corner with the belt on it puts paid to any question I had as to whether it's a pinfall or touch all four corners to win type chain match.
Lots of tug of war type stuff to start, Screwface tries to shorten the chain by standing on it, but Micky pulls the rug from.under him so to speak upending Screwface
Some hard hitting and we'll thought out use of the chain between the two here
Screwface showing some innovation with the chain - constricting it round Micky's head at the ring post at one point. There's no doubt at all that chain matchres are his wheelhouse.
Brutal chair shots from both during and after a brawl to the outside
Screwface swings the chair at Micky, the chair bounces off the ropes and he ends up hitting himself in the head with it on the rebound.
After a superplex attempt was thwarted by Micky, he retained after using Screwface who was lying across the corner as a step to reach the belt on the pole
This again was a really well put together match - a stipulation you wouldn't expect to see at a family friendly show, but carried off really well.
Overall this is one of the best shows of this type I've seen. It was a bit of a throwback in some respects to the shows I'd see growing up, but brought up to date. Strong, clearly defined characters for people to get behind and for people to dislike, great action and a really good atmosphere. The venue was brightly lit throughout, which normally I wouldn't be a fan of, but it suited this show. One other thing it had that was a nice touch was a door at either end of the stage, which was used to good effect having the faces entering from one side and the heels from the other.
If you see First Class Wrestling in your area, I would definitely recommend it for a good, fun night of wrestling that the whole family can enjoy.
You can find more about first class wrestling on Twitter @1stclasswrestle and on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=238397242945924
Wednesday, 26 December 2018
Monday, 12 June 2017
(P, PD, BRS) W3L Queens Hall, Hexham - afternoon show Saturday may 20th
0925 and I'm awoken by last night's beer can falling off the shelf. My train leaves in an hour so a quick shower and a dash to the bus stand insues. The sandwich kit and beer are in my bag ready - as is a spare shirt. I'm not taking any chances this time. Quick pause to refill my trusty hip flask, and off we go.
I've said this before, and I'm sure I'll say it again. Stagecoach route planners suck. Badly.
5 min to go and it's all aboard the graps train. My first time in Hexham since the last cannonball run (Tyne valley ale trail). Train beer is a Guinness original - the optical nerves started tingling last night in Asda, and after a little bit of searching I found out why, they had it on 4 tins for £2.50.
The card for the W3L show either hasn't been announced or is buried somewhere, but I've got an idea that one of the Owens sisters is likely to be there. I've not kept up with the product apart from that, but I know it can be viewed on their YouTube channel W3LNetwork.
It's funny, but as picturesque as the landscapes are here I don't get the same urge to listen to the green and the grey by new model army as I get when going between Leeds and Hebden Bridge. So the soundtrack to today's journey is a heavy mix of PJ Harvey, Birmingham 6, bad religion and Desperate Journalist (who's recent album release is awesome by the way Check out their site ) with a little bit of red paintings peppered throughout.
At Hexham station, an uphill walk leads to the venue, I'm an hour early and there's a cafe inside, so a hot chocolate is on the menu - a salted caramel one - luxury and all that...
A quick peek round the corner and there's the wetherspoons I used to work the door of back in the day. I know some of the breweries that have a good relationship with this place, so I'm straight in for a pint of Big Lamp keelman brown - perfect breakfast beer.
Doors are in half an hour
World of sport (the original one) star "Blondie Barratt" is apparently in attendance for this event. It looks like he was a regular tag partner of Kendo Nagasaki back in the day.
Keelman brown sunk, conversation with an older rocker in the spoons ended and its off to the queens hall.
Now, this is a theatre in a library/art gallery/community hub complex. There's a sports centre down the road. With a sports hall. Just saying.
We're in a set place theatre with the ring on the stage at the front and one bank of seating.
This has good and bad points - it's a bit detaching, but the lighting and sound should be good. It would be better if they weren't playing a service station "generic rock" compilation before the start. I've heard Bon Jovi's always twice this last week and frankly that's more than enough
A little concerned by the audience size to be honest. Probably going to end up being moved forward.
Hard cam is set up right in the middle of the seating bank. So we're all viewing from the same angle. As far as the adjustments the wrestlers, I can see this being a bit strange, but working to only one side can put the matches in good stead for a single camera video shoot since to play to the audience they're also playing to the camera so to speak.
The ring announcer comes out - he looks a bit like one of the tech guys I sometimes have a bit of a natter with at Whitby Goth Weekend. Sounds a bit like him too. If that is you Savage, good on you mate. Next time you're up in the Tyne/wear area, give me a shout and I'll gladly give a hand setting up etc.
Lo and behold we're moved forward
There's around 60/70 here initially, mainly kids, and here I am the mid 30s bloke blogging about it. Guess who feels a little out of place.
No open bar at the event, but the cafe I went to before is open. And they do sell beer, though it's not on display - good to know for the Interval.
I'm sitting in line with the camera - mainly because I'm two beers and a hot chocolate deep, and fat man going for a pee is not a regular segment on the W3L network.
The merch table gets moved to the side, the house lights go down.
No videoing or photos for distributors. No lazer pointers no bad language etc public service announcement played from what sounds like a 1940s era 78rpm bakolite cylinder. I think it was the B-side to "dig for victory
And we're off. Ragnar Vs Mike Musso
Heel Ragnar promo pre-match is awesome. Musso is dressed as a Beverly Brother, but kind of resembles a younger and shorter Kevin Nash.
The in ring work is pretty good here, I've not overly detailed the matches here for the most part because the gramophone message at the start would suggest that they might see this as some sort of copyright infringement.
both guys put on a great opener and engaged the crowd well. Musso, for someone that neither myself or seemingly the rest of the punters were familiar with got over nicely as a fan favourite.
Musso wins with a fireman's carry into a DDT. As far as finishers go, it came a bit out of the blue, and looked pretty good.
Blondie Barratt is out next. He's wearing an "old school" T-shirt. A smile comes over my face as it dawns on me that I've seen this particular shirt somewhere before. The WAW has a heel faction called "old school" headed up by Ricky Knight and Jimmy Ocean. I kind of get the feeling I'm the only one here in on this.
His opposition is a firm fan favourite here. Big Dave Jeremi.
Barratt is a fantastic heel. He's someone I genuinely wasn't majorly familiar with before the show, save a YouTube video or two, but was well hooked into watching shortly after he emerged. Oldschool by shirt, old school by nature.
The crowd are properly going for him here by the way, I can't tell is the kids at the front hate him more or of he's loving the reaction more.
Barratt lines Jeremi up for a chop against the ringpost and misses. Jeremi works the hand for a while, leading Barratt around the crowd, until the kids start attacking Blondie. The Ring announcer comes out and ushers the wrestlers back onto the stage.
Barratt won with a feet on the ropes roll up.
The ring announcer comes back to remind us there's a raffle and that we can get merch at half time etc. He then tells us that a member of the W3L roster would like some time to address us.
Euan G Mackie is out to address us all. And lay down an open challenge
There's a back story to this one - Euan took W3L on to judge rinder (cheesy people's court style ITV daytime show) to challenge the suspension they gave him. W3L was represented by Mike Musso.
Musso accepts the open challenge and pulls double duty.
Green mist to the eyes of musso. Mackie is in charge until getting caught mid dive.
He sneaks an advantage again and a bell rings eventually.
Mackie removes a turnbuckle pad. While the ref is repairing it, he went and removed the opposite one - nice touch.
Very entertaining match. Euan G Mackie is one vicious little sod! Gave a nice back story. He eventually walked away and got counted out.
Intermission beer is wylam rocket. The raffle is drawn and a kid wins a W3L DVD, a backstage pass and an inflatable hammer.
Line of the night from the ring announcer: "maybe we could have had more prizes if more tickets were sold". I couldn't tell if he was bollocking the audience or the merch guy.
Woman's match kicks off the second half. Debbie Sharp Vs Ruby Summers.
Debbie's interaction with the audience is awesome. The kids' words here are vicious to say the least.
Ruby wins with a codebreaker. The chemistry was definitely there between these two, and this was
Rumble match to finish.
Participants
Euan G Mackie, Blondie Barratt, Ragnar, Mike Musso, Big Dave Jeremi, and "The Red Tormentor"
Mackie puts out Musso
Red Tormentor thrown out by the Barratt and Ragnar.
Big Dave Jeremi puts out Euan G Mackie
Jeremi puts out Ragnar and Barratt to win.
All in all this was a decent little kid friendly show, I think this is their debut in this place, so more power to them. It's nice to see Wrestling coming to smaller towns, and with the wealth of shows that happen in Newcastle finishing after the last train or bus back to Hexham, it gives folks out here the chance to get into the live experience.
Too big for his boots 1: UK TV starts showing British Wrestling
Strangeness abounds in the world of TV Wrestling in the UK.
Impact got involved with world of Sport shortly before getting a UK TV deal for impact wrestling with spike tv - a channel 5 substation.
Mexican Wrestling is showing up on free TV in the uk, as AAA gives an air date on freeview channel frontrunner.
I've not seen anything of NGW on made in Tyne and Wear for quite some time, and apparently WAW is still airing on mustard TV (ok, it's a repeat, but it's British Wrestling on TV).
WWE have a UK division that are sitting on some of the best talent in the UK, putting three of them on regular NXT programming and the odd one to put those three over every now and again. Apart from that there have been 3 UK division programmes and four live shows (the initial tournament and the epic studios shows which were padded out with 205 live talent)
So here is the state of play as is. In the UK, we have national and regional over the air TV networks in abundance. We have IPTV with more free stuff. We have multiple free to air satellite channels, some that show caravan maintenance programmes for hours on end. You know what we haven't got? On any of it?
A regular nationally screened British Wrestling show on over the air TV.
We have free to air Mexican lucha libre shows and American Wrestling shows, but none from our own country - a country where Wrestling is booming.
ITV were keen to get World of Sport back as a brand, unfortunately their tapings went south - ticket sales were cited by outside sources to be the issue, but the involvement of impact wrestling showed its face again - by face I mean eyes and nose, because the mouth certainly didn't make an appearance for quite a while, and when it did everyone was told it was due to contracts etc.
Here's an idea - you have studios all over the country equipped with on site and outside broadcast equipment.
ITV - realistically, what would it take for you to just remove impact from the management team and start over.
Contract 8 wrestlers, contract a booker. You have TV people you can use for continuity/ring announcing - Dave Brown in Memphis was a newscaster.
Commentators you can borrow, other talent you can borrow/bring in for short runs from other promotions after all, you're a TV show not a promotion. By all means you can expand on this later, but this is a starting point.
Two night tapings in either your studios or town halls, or a mixture of two (promos, hype videos etc) etc around the UK in the form of standard Wrestling shows (as they will appear to the punters/audience)
Use your training/apprenticeship/local college/university community links for video, audio, lighting, runners, you know, all the stuff you need people to learn how to do for regular programming when they finish their courses and apply for jobs. It'll give them a fast paced work environment and good experience to be able to work on pretty much anything else later in there careers.
Run a show in each region first, 8 man tournament style - use your regional news areas as the territories, that's where the kit is and hopefully your apprenticeship programmes. Run one of them as a two nighter.
Your 8 contracted wrestlers win the regional tournaments and go on to do the second night in the chosen territory for the British title.
Quick booking tip at this point, make sure the contracted talent you stick in each regional leg of the tournament are regulars to somewhere near the region or its going to take some of the unpredictability out of it.
Take the videos, and compile them into a set of pilot episodes that follow the tournament, switching between regions from a central studio so that a decent variety of wrestlers from all over appear across the shows. That way, even if casual fan A in Eastbourne is watching for the guy they've seen on a poster in the newsagent window, they see the wrestler from Fort William who properly impresses him, and they've got a reason to tune back in again if he's going to be on etc.
First couple of weeks, watch the feedback from Twitter and Facebook, see who's impressing, listen to the viewers
Run another show in each of the region's you didn't run the final in (you don't run the initial ones as a two nighter when the tournament winners aren't going to be there the following night) Get the library built up so you can chop together another couple of episodes for just after the tournament is done to give you time to book for continuity.
Get footage from other promotions, let other promotions titles appear on the programme, let yours appear on theirs, let a local guy win it, let another of your contracted guys win it back later or at the next regional show. exchange TV time advertising promotions local shows for advertising the tapings at local shows. Don't run it as a promotion per se, run it as a showcase of British wrestlers incorporating a title scene so that there's something for other wrestlers to aim for. Easy enough storyline prop to start with.
Now I understand that this sounds completely barmy to anyone that's been in the business in the short form explanation, but if you're serious about having your own nationally screened British Wrestling show, and you're not willing to let an already established promotion, or set of promotions host these for you (or the Knights and Len Davies, or Alex Shane'strident vision media setup), you're going to have to put some work in and make it inclusive in appeal bloody quickly.
So let's see how this would pan out. For the purposes of this, the ITV regions used will be:
Central
STV (Scotland)
Border / Tyne Tees
Granada (including isle of man)
YTV Yorkshire (Lincoln is in this catchment area as well - hey, ITV made the borders, not me)
Anglia
London/Meridian
West country/West/Wales
Now, Ireland, I've not mentioned yet - there's a good reason for this, and all will become clear later on.
The tapings go ahead as detailed above. Your first two hour show has a central commentary team in a studio. Green screen a production room in the background or something - stay away from cheesy graphics involving massive turnbuckles, silly typeface text, etc it's not the 80s or 90s any more.
It's 2 hrs on ITV, so it's actually 90 min. A mixture of full as-live matches and match highlights go out on air for the first two weeks. Each region gets one full match (1st round in a tournament is normally a 10 min time limit, isn't it?). You've got 4 matches per area to choose from. Here's the kicker, you stick all the matches from round 1 up on the ITV hub with video packages on the wrestlers, and of course adverts between the matches. Also, you're going to want links to promotions where you can see the participants wrestle live. Gotta get that revenue in and make a good start at working with real promotions - after all, you're a TV show advertising British Wrestling, not a real working promotion.
Use a hashtag, use Facebook, get feedback. After week 1, see who's impressing, see who's matches are getting the most views and making the most buzz. Use that to choose the full matches on week 2. If it's someone that's gone out of the tournament get them on the odd live show, while you're building the library. Tell people where they're going to be in the near future if they want to see them live, both in a world of sport showcase show and in other UK promotions.
Round 1 gets done with. Round 2 keeps the same format just with a couple more full matches.
By the time you've got this from tape to air the non tournament shows (or at least some of them) should have been taped.
Were on to week 5 on air by this point, and you've got the 8 regional finals to show. Time to start giving some more promo time to your core for after the matches.
Week 6 - the matches from night 2 of the tournament.
Week 7 - the direction from here is dictated by what you have in the can, what other promotions have sent you, and what the viewers want. You can either stick with the footage from all territories cut together with the central commentary team, or send out your guys to the other territories in a cycle to move to a format where matches from local talent (keeping an eye on the feedback) factoring in your core guys are featured.
Basically do what Vince did with "all American Wrestling" back in the territory days, just don't try to take over completely, because we love British Wrestling as it is, we'd just love to see more of it and more people to be able to see it.
It seems a bit contrived, but there are options. The easiest way to do it of course would be to just back a promotion. Pay them to chuck a few intro video packages together and perhaps organise help with production for video, but as for the show and the booking, let one of the groups that's been doing it for a few years handle it. And possibly think about tying it into world of sport but changing the name of the show, because you've tied that to impact wrestling, which is still pretty toxic, and the recent debacle isn't going to help you get anything off the ground.
Oh and Ireland? Cut together format week 10, matches in two of the territories are interrupted by Irish wrestlers, who are disgruntled at not being included at the initial tournament and demand to be recognised and used as a territory.
Impact got involved with world of Sport shortly before getting a UK TV deal for impact wrestling with spike tv - a channel 5 substation.
Mexican Wrestling is showing up on free TV in the uk, as AAA gives an air date on freeview channel frontrunner.
I've not seen anything of NGW on made in Tyne and Wear for quite some time, and apparently WAW is still airing on mustard TV (ok, it's a repeat, but it's British Wrestling on TV).
WWE have a UK division that are sitting on some of the best talent in the UK, putting three of them on regular NXT programming and the odd one to put those three over every now and again. Apart from that there have been 3 UK division programmes and four live shows (the initial tournament and the epic studios shows which were padded out with 205 live talent)
So here is the state of play as is. In the UK, we have national and regional over the air TV networks in abundance. We have IPTV with more free stuff. We have multiple free to air satellite channels, some that show caravan maintenance programmes for hours on end. You know what we haven't got? On any of it?
A regular nationally screened British Wrestling show on over the air TV.
We have free to air Mexican lucha libre shows and American Wrestling shows, but none from our own country - a country where Wrestling is booming.
ITV were keen to get World of Sport back as a brand, unfortunately their tapings went south - ticket sales were cited by outside sources to be the issue, but the involvement of impact wrestling showed its face again - by face I mean eyes and nose, because the mouth certainly didn't make an appearance for quite a while, and when it did everyone was told it was due to contracts etc.
Here's an idea - you have studios all over the country equipped with on site and outside broadcast equipment.
ITV - realistically, what would it take for you to just remove impact from the management team and start over.
Contract 8 wrestlers, contract a booker. You have TV people you can use for continuity/ring announcing - Dave Brown in Memphis was a newscaster.
Commentators you can borrow, other talent you can borrow/bring in for short runs from other promotions after all, you're a TV show not a promotion. By all means you can expand on this later, but this is a starting point.
Two night tapings in either your studios or town halls, or a mixture of two (promos, hype videos etc) etc around the UK in the form of standard Wrestling shows (as they will appear to the punters/audience)
Use your training/apprenticeship/local college/university community links for video, audio, lighting, runners, you know, all the stuff you need people to learn how to do for regular programming when they finish their courses and apply for jobs. It'll give them a fast paced work environment and good experience to be able to work on pretty much anything else later in there careers.
Run a show in each region first, 8 man tournament style - use your regional news areas as the territories, that's where the kit is and hopefully your apprenticeship programmes. Run one of them as a two nighter.
Your 8 contracted wrestlers win the regional tournaments and go on to do the second night in the chosen territory for the British title.
Quick booking tip at this point, make sure the contracted talent you stick in each regional leg of the tournament are regulars to somewhere near the region or its going to take some of the unpredictability out of it.
Take the videos, and compile them into a set of pilot episodes that follow the tournament, switching between regions from a central studio so that a decent variety of wrestlers from all over appear across the shows. That way, even if casual fan A in Eastbourne is watching for the guy they've seen on a poster in the newsagent window, they see the wrestler from Fort William who properly impresses him, and they've got a reason to tune back in again if he's going to be on etc.
First couple of weeks, watch the feedback from Twitter and Facebook, see who's impressing, listen to the viewers
Run another show in each of the region's you didn't run the final in (you don't run the initial ones as a two nighter when the tournament winners aren't going to be there the following night) Get the library built up so you can chop together another couple of episodes for just after the tournament is done to give you time to book for continuity.
Get footage from other promotions, let other promotions titles appear on the programme, let yours appear on theirs, let a local guy win it, let another of your contracted guys win it back later or at the next regional show. exchange TV time advertising promotions local shows for advertising the tapings at local shows. Don't run it as a promotion per se, run it as a showcase of British wrestlers incorporating a title scene so that there's something for other wrestlers to aim for. Easy enough storyline prop to start with.
Now I understand that this sounds completely barmy to anyone that's been in the business in the short form explanation, but if you're serious about having your own nationally screened British Wrestling show, and you're not willing to let an already established promotion, or set of promotions host these for you (or the Knights and Len Davies, or Alex Shane'strident vision media setup), you're going to have to put some work in and make it inclusive in appeal bloody quickly.
So let's see how this would pan out. For the purposes of this, the ITV regions used will be:
Central
STV (Scotland)
Border / Tyne Tees
Granada (including isle of man)
YTV Yorkshire (Lincoln is in this catchment area as well - hey, ITV made the borders, not me)
Anglia
London/Meridian
West country/West/Wales
Now, Ireland, I've not mentioned yet - there's a good reason for this, and all will become clear later on.
The tapings go ahead as detailed above. Your first two hour show has a central commentary team in a studio. Green screen a production room in the background or something - stay away from cheesy graphics involving massive turnbuckles, silly typeface text, etc it's not the 80s or 90s any more.
It's 2 hrs on ITV, so it's actually 90 min. A mixture of full as-live matches and match highlights go out on air for the first two weeks. Each region gets one full match (1st round in a tournament is normally a 10 min time limit, isn't it?). You've got 4 matches per area to choose from. Here's the kicker, you stick all the matches from round 1 up on the ITV hub with video packages on the wrestlers, and of course adverts between the matches. Also, you're going to want links to promotions where you can see the participants wrestle live. Gotta get that revenue in and make a good start at working with real promotions - after all, you're a TV show advertising British Wrestling, not a real working promotion.
Use a hashtag, use Facebook, get feedback. After week 1, see who's impressing, see who's matches are getting the most views and making the most buzz. Use that to choose the full matches on week 2. If it's someone that's gone out of the tournament get them on the odd live show, while you're building the library. Tell people where they're going to be in the near future if they want to see them live, both in a world of sport showcase show and in other UK promotions.
Round 1 gets done with. Round 2 keeps the same format just with a couple more full matches.
By the time you've got this from tape to air the non tournament shows (or at least some of them) should have been taped.
Were on to week 5 on air by this point, and you've got the 8 regional finals to show. Time to start giving some more promo time to your core for after the matches.
Week 6 - the matches from night 2 of the tournament.
Week 7 - the direction from here is dictated by what you have in the can, what other promotions have sent you, and what the viewers want. You can either stick with the footage from all territories cut together with the central commentary team, or send out your guys to the other territories in a cycle to move to a format where matches from local talent (keeping an eye on the feedback) factoring in your core guys are featured.
Basically do what Vince did with "all American Wrestling" back in the territory days, just don't try to take over completely, because we love British Wrestling as it is, we'd just love to see more of it and more people to be able to see it.
It seems a bit contrived, but there are options. The easiest way to do it of course would be to just back a promotion. Pay them to chuck a few intro video packages together and perhaps organise help with production for video, but as for the show and the booking, let one of the groups that's been doing it for a few years handle it. And possibly think about tying it into world of sport but changing the name of the show, because you've tied that to impact wrestling, which is still pretty toxic, and the recent debacle isn't going to help you get anything off the ground.
Oh and Ireland? Cut together format week 10, matches in two of the territories are interrupted by Irish wrestlers, who are disgruntled at not being included at the initial tournament and demand to be recognised and used as a territory.
Saturday, 15 April 2017
(P, PD, BRS) TCW - wipeout 2017 Church nightclub Leeds, February 19th
TCW - wipeout 2017 Church nightclub Leeds, February 19th
Pre show pint was Newcastle thunder vs hunslet hawks in the ipro challenge cup.
Because rugby league...
Hunslet player warming up with a resistance band or proving that bondage is never a one man pursuit. Another one is doing the shittest can can ever.
Fight sees one of hunslet sent off.
Thunder won by the way.
The venue - slightly bigger than the riverside, £4.80 for red stripe? Nope. Big ball of nope. Doing this one dry. The rugby ground have bottles of best bitter at £3.00 here it's brewdog pisswater for £4.80 or grapefruit pisswater for tenpence more. The Yorkshire in me is coming through
Gripes about prices aside, there's probably around the same amount of people here as were at NORTH - just not as many on the balcony and theres space around the ring, guardrails etc here.
Havoc is out. His collar bone is fucked. He's off the card.
The services's Dan Evans is out for the first match - their music is that familiar horror film loop, which would make sense as Dan James came out to that in Darlington. His opposition is provided by Ace Matthews.
He hates people chanting "Dan" apparently.
Nice work here from both of the lads, though seeing Ace as a face is kind of unfortunate - there's nothing there apart from the tennis references and wrestling clean against a member of a heel faction.
Ace went over after an enzeguri and back suplex.
Lana Austin (womens champion) out to defend next against Lizzie styles. Looks like Lana's working heel here.??
The family from Norfolk are here - nice to see them again!
Lizzie interrupts the schtick with the ref slapping Lana's arse then kicking her head and rolling her up.
Moonsault attempt by Styles thwarted with a powerbomb by Lana. Eat de-feet by Styles.
Lana with a DDT to win and retain the title. Lizzie moons the Norwich folk before leaving
CJ banks vs Joseph Conners next.
Starting off with a handshake - nice to see the sportsmanship here. Collar and elbow tie ups and jockeying for position third one followed by some great chain work - this is act one of an absolute epic wrestling match.
Act 1 - The feeling out process
Act 2 - The fight
Act 3 - The scramble for the win
Conners takes the win with the "DLD" - it looks better in person than it did on TV. The Service take to the stage to applaud Conners as he heads to the back.
TCW title on the line - Eddie Dennis vs Rampage Brown.
Eddie looking confused at the support being for the hometown hero Rampage, and not for him.
Eddie spends a while backing away from Rampage.
When they do lock up, Rampage starts overpowering him easily. Dennis acknowledges the fact that Rampage is massive.
The shoulder blocks off the ropes start, and after a failure from Dennis, a Lucha mask is produced and donned. The Pride of Wales starts uncorking the head scissors and suicide dives. Rampage acquires the mask and does a rolling senton over the ropes Guerrero style before despatching the mask and going back to the power moves
Rampage retains after reversing a super Plex into a small package. Fun match all in all. The ending didn't hurt anyone, but showed them on an almost equal footing.
Minor ring maintenance taking place during the interval.
Second half starts.
Dara Diablo out for the service. That horror film loop is both perfect and annoying in equal measure. Put to good use for the heel faction. Sean Only is out with him. As tempting as a "you're just a shit James Castle" chant is, he seems angry enough at this point.
White Tiger is the lamb to the Service's slaughter tonight
Armdrags to start - Diablo evaded for a bit, and tried to keep up his strength and power game against the luchador. White tiger is keeping on top though with the faster paced offence.
Only trips tiger from the outside on a dive attempt and is ejected.
A fair amount of back and forth here with no real advantage being taken.
Tiger goes for a double stamp, misses and is met with some kind of vicious looking lariat neckbreaker thing that looked like it almost decapitated him. Dara goes over with that.
Ligero comes out for his match with Sean Only, and is quickly attacked by Dara and Only. Double team wheelbarrow kerbstomp onto a chair basically kills Ligero. I really hope that mask has some protection under it. Faces and ring crew out to check on him.
Jumpin John Myers says he's done and the match is called off. Only tells Tidal that he'll sue if it doesn't go ahead.
One foot cover for an easy, quick win by only. El Ligero kicks out at two, but there's not much behind it.
For the duration of this one Only keeps kicking Ligero down, choking him and basically pasting him all over the place.
The referee is pulled in the path of a flying kick by Ligero. Interference and a whip reversal into a chair held by Dara Diablo lead to the Mexican wave splash and the comeback win for Ligero. The service are understandably surprised and upset.
Riots vs Nation - TCW tag titles on the line
Round 3... Fight!
Brawl all over the place to start this one. The Riots try to kneecap Primate using the cricket bat and chairs. The ref decides that he's throwing this one out.
Primate is helped to the back by the ring crew.
Henry's not having any of this and wants to take both of the Riots himself, Demanding that the ref restarts the match. And he does.
Brief flurry of offence by Henry, the Riots take over quickly though.
The Riots hit a nasty senton on Henry who was being draped over the second rope.
Henry keeps trying to fight them off as they take advantage of the numbers, until Primate hobbles back and makes the save. Shatter machine gives the Nation the win.
Looks like the rings broken at the edge - luckily the bloke who built it is in the next match...
Main event time
Ht Drake vs.... Amir Jordan? Drake's sceptical that Havoc picked Jordan.
Nice technical work here from both.
Amir wants a dance off and Drake obliges with a spineroonie before a waist lock take down on Amir. Drake locks in a surfboard submission, but Amir is in the ropes.
Amir is on fire here. Nice swanton bomb on to Drake. Battle around the outside after a couple of dives. Drake takes back over after reversing a whip into the ring post.
Drake looks about to take the win, the service surround the ring. Havoc comes out, seemingly to help, but wipes out Jordan and Drake. The New Nation come out to help but get laid out as well.
Havoc says he hired the service to fuck things up in Tidal since they weren't using him, And now they're taking over.
The show ends with Drake, the nation and Jordan recovering and raising their hands. Looks like the service has some opposition.
Unfortunately I didn't get to the following event - I do hope to get back to one in the near future though.
Pre show pint was Newcastle thunder vs hunslet hawks in the ipro challenge cup.
Because rugby league...
Hunslet player warming up with a resistance band or proving that bondage is never a one man pursuit. Another one is doing the shittest can can ever.
Fight sees one of hunslet sent off.
Thunder won by the way.
The venue - slightly bigger than the riverside, £4.80 for red stripe? Nope. Big ball of nope. Doing this one dry. The rugby ground have bottles of best bitter at £3.00 here it's brewdog pisswater for £4.80 or grapefruit pisswater for tenpence more. The Yorkshire in me is coming through
Gripes about prices aside, there's probably around the same amount of people here as were at NORTH - just not as many on the balcony and theres space around the ring, guardrails etc here.
Havoc is out. His collar bone is fucked. He's off the card.
The services's Dan Evans is out for the first match - their music is that familiar horror film loop, which would make sense as Dan James came out to that in Darlington. His opposition is provided by Ace Matthews.
He hates people chanting "Dan" apparently.
Nice work here from both of the lads, though seeing Ace as a face is kind of unfortunate - there's nothing there apart from the tennis references and wrestling clean against a member of a heel faction.
Ace went over after an enzeguri and back suplex.
Lana Austin (womens champion) out to defend next against Lizzie styles. Looks like Lana's working heel here.??
The family from Norfolk are here - nice to see them again!
Lizzie interrupts the schtick with the ref slapping Lana's arse then kicking her head and rolling her up.
Moonsault attempt by Styles thwarted with a powerbomb by Lana. Eat de-feet by Styles.
Lana with a DDT to win and retain the title. Lizzie moons the Norwich folk before leaving
CJ banks vs Joseph Conners next.
Starting off with a handshake - nice to see the sportsmanship here. Collar and elbow tie ups and jockeying for position third one followed by some great chain work - this is act one of an absolute epic wrestling match.
Act 1 - The feeling out process
Act 2 - The fight
Act 3 - The scramble for the win
Conners takes the win with the "DLD" - it looks better in person than it did on TV. The Service take to the stage to applaud Conners as he heads to the back.
TCW title on the line - Eddie Dennis vs Rampage Brown.
Eddie looking confused at the support being for the hometown hero Rampage, and not for him.
Eddie spends a while backing away from Rampage.
When they do lock up, Rampage starts overpowering him easily. Dennis acknowledges the fact that Rampage is massive.
The shoulder blocks off the ropes start, and after a failure from Dennis, a Lucha mask is produced and donned. The Pride of Wales starts uncorking the head scissors and suicide dives. Rampage acquires the mask and does a rolling senton over the ropes Guerrero style before despatching the mask and going back to the power moves
Rampage retains after reversing a super Plex into a small package. Fun match all in all. The ending didn't hurt anyone, but showed them on an almost equal footing.
Minor ring maintenance taking place during the interval.
Second half starts.
Dara Diablo out for the service. That horror film loop is both perfect and annoying in equal measure. Put to good use for the heel faction. Sean Only is out with him. As tempting as a "you're just a shit James Castle" chant is, he seems angry enough at this point.
White Tiger is the lamb to the Service's slaughter tonight
Armdrags to start - Diablo evaded for a bit, and tried to keep up his strength and power game against the luchador. White tiger is keeping on top though with the faster paced offence.
Only trips tiger from the outside on a dive attempt and is ejected.
A fair amount of back and forth here with no real advantage being taken.
Tiger goes for a double stamp, misses and is met with some kind of vicious looking lariat neckbreaker thing that looked like it almost decapitated him. Dara goes over with that.
Ligero comes out for his match with Sean Only, and is quickly attacked by Dara and Only. Double team wheelbarrow kerbstomp onto a chair basically kills Ligero. I really hope that mask has some protection under it. Faces and ring crew out to check on him.
Jumpin John Myers says he's done and the match is called off. Only tells Tidal that he'll sue if it doesn't go ahead.
One foot cover for an easy, quick win by only. El Ligero kicks out at two, but there's not much behind it.
For the duration of this one Only keeps kicking Ligero down, choking him and basically pasting him all over the place.
The referee is pulled in the path of a flying kick by Ligero. Interference and a whip reversal into a chair held by Dara Diablo lead to the Mexican wave splash and the comeback win for Ligero. The service are understandably surprised and upset.
Riots vs Nation - TCW tag titles on the line
Round 3... Fight!
Brawl all over the place to start this one. The Riots try to kneecap Primate using the cricket bat and chairs. The ref decides that he's throwing this one out.
Primate is helped to the back by the ring crew.
Henry's not having any of this and wants to take both of the Riots himself, Demanding that the ref restarts the match. And he does.
Brief flurry of offence by Henry, the Riots take over quickly though.
The Riots hit a nasty senton on Henry who was being draped over the second rope.
Henry keeps trying to fight them off as they take advantage of the numbers, until Primate hobbles back and makes the save. Shatter machine gives the Nation the win.
Looks like the rings broken at the edge - luckily the bloke who built it is in the next match...
Main event time
Ht Drake vs.... Amir Jordan? Drake's sceptical that Havoc picked Jordan.
Nice technical work here from both.
Amir wants a dance off and Drake obliges with a spineroonie before a waist lock take down on Amir. Drake locks in a surfboard submission, but Amir is in the ropes.
Amir is on fire here. Nice swanton bomb on to Drake. Battle around the outside after a couple of dives. Drake takes back over after reversing a whip into the ring post.
Drake looks about to take the win, the service surround the ring. Havoc comes out, seemingly to help, but wipes out Jordan and Drake. The New Nation come out to help but get laid out as well.
Havoc says he hired the service to fuck things up in Tidal since they weren't using him, And now they're taking over.
The show ends with Drake, the nation and Jordan recovering and raising their hands. Looks like the service has some opposition.
Unfortunately I didn't get to the following event - I do hope to get back to one in the near future though.
(P, PD, BRS) House of Pain Lethal Lottery, St Ann's church hall Nottingham
House of pain - lethal lottery St Anns church Nottingham January 28th 2017
The venue here is a church hall - nice retro feel for myself in attending event at a venue like this, not since the old IWF shows in Gateshead have I been to one. It's looking like a decent crowd, a fair amount of youngsters - that's always a good thing when it's advertisement said it was 100% family friendly.
Now, I know this blog is called pints, piledrivers and bus replacement services, there's no alcohol at the venue - again, with it being a family friendly show, this could be a good thing - especially as a lot of folk have driven here. So, for the purposes of this event, I'm rebranding it coffee, codebreakerers and completely misunderstanding Google maps (walking around trying to find the place initially - hey, it's my first time in Nottingham, gimme a break) there's plenty of time for the pint/pub portion afterwards
The venue is about 3/4 the size of the innesfree back in Newcastle - I'll be honest that's about the best frame of reference I can come up with, my estimates of potential house sizes aren't the best (my career as an estate agent beckons), and it is pretty much full - save a few seats that were reserved and not used. Lighting wise 6 full yet filtered square ceiling lights. not filtered as in coloured, but softened to a nice mellow yet functional level. It works here because it suits the venue, it's pretty much full, and the ring is fairly large - there's not much chance of focus being lost.
The ring is a good 2ft extra along each side than the one the I'm used to seeing at home promotions. The ring posts appear to have a little bit of an inward lean on them, I'm not sure if that's intentional or not. Real ropes as opposed to cables, good to see that's a tradition being kept, even if they do tend to loosen over time.
The ring announcer and ref are out with the extremely popular Joey Cement (I might be wrong, but it seems like he's one of the young trainees who's on ring crew - one thing is for certain, he's well over) to give us an introduction to what is happening tonight, they know nothing. Anyone can be involved and anything can happen. The bell rings, and Joey Cement rolls up the announcer for the quick win!
Steven Harris comes out with Harley. They are not well liked here, and it looks like the feeling is mutual.
Sensational Saj Malik is his opponent for this singles match.
Steven is trying to use his technical skills and power against the sensational one, and keep the pace slow. That's not happening straight away, lots of head scissors and fast paced defence / reversals to start from Saj. Harley's keeping her presence felt on the outside with some well placed interference and vocal interaction with the audience.
Steven would eventually get the better of Saj, in a contest that made great use of all of the space in and around the ring. Great (formal) opener.
Six man tag action up next with Sam Spencer, a guy In a tux who's name sounded like Theodore DiamondAnd Harley (with Steven Harris) vs Danny Thomas, Karl Brown and one half of the House of Pain tag champs, BFD.
Harris is ejected at the start of this one. Harley and Harris aren't happy about this in the slightest.
Lots of good interaction with the crowd from the heels
Harley giving a great showing, the fact that she's the only woman in the match isn't phasing her at all
Eyerake on the rope by Diamond and a side suplex right out of Dino bravo 1989 playbook. Nice to see these still being executed so well.
Spencer is an absolute beast, I wouldn't be surprised to see him on more cards soon. So is BFD - who finished it for his team with a black hole slam
Next up: Princess Charlie Logan vs Vegan powered Nick Hendricks
The Vegan as a heel is a bit of an odd one that I've never quite got. The condescending preachy aspect isn't something I've ever encountered in real life situations I've not been able to just walk away from. That being said, this guy wears it well. The obnoxious smirk and dismissal of his opponent today is enough to reinforce his place in this match.
Fantastic big guy vs small woman match, story told really well. With Charlie going over with a roll up
Danny Chase and Sam Spencer are out for the next randomly drawn match - Disco Dan is the opponent
Disco is trying to get chase to dance, and it looks like it might happen
The heels bail and disco brings in Princess Logan and half the audience in to cha cha slide.
Then I don't know exactly what happened, but I might have slipped into an alternative universe where Chase and Spencer did the "time of my life" routine from Dirty Dancing. Full routine including the lift!
Danny Chase gets the win after retaliating to a sneak behind trip and roll up attempt from Disco Dan. Apparently "nobody puts Danny in the corner". The beating he gave the Disco Cat showed us why.
I really hope someone was taping that cause that was so god damned funny it was unreal
Interval - some nice merchandise here - no xls though, so I'm gonna have to go online..
Concrete, the announcer and referee come back to the ring for the second half.
Our second half opener is a tag team match set for one fall.
Syntax is out first - the masked man is massively popular here.
James Stewart is his partner, and does not garner the same reaction. It looks like we have a heel and face team brought together by the draw here
Opposition provided by the other half of the House of Pain tag champs Joseph Starr and Tommy Taylor
Great fundamentals from all 4. Both teams are not getting along.
Starr and Taylor the first to crack with Starr forarming Taylor in the face. Taylor would get revenge when Stewart tagged in, throw syntax out and Taylor took the opportunity to level Starr and dragged Stewart on top of him for the pin costing himself and star the match. Excellent reinforcement of Taylor's recent heel turn.
Nathan Nyx with the Supermodel Visage - or should I say against...
The banter between these two is awesome as they please not to have to fight each other. A double lay down/pin was their first attempt at getting out of it.
Multiple refusals to fight insue until the threat of a double head shave from Stixx' was put on the table.
A reluctant square up with a pinky promise of no face shots starts a pretty good match between these two. The promise held up until visage had his Japanese style paper fan broken amongst the antics.
Visage ends it with a sneaky kick after coming out of a make up hug. Visage is highly entertaining, and Nyx definitely held his own.
Our main event of the night is a 6 man scramble match for the House of Pain Title
The world warrior Juken
Ruthless Bjorn Jones,
House of Pain champion Kyle Kingsley
Timberwolf
The Righteous Joseph Conners
G-wiz Garrett Bond
Highlights - dives, great chain work, towers of doom, Conners going ape on timberwolf leaving him a back redder than the ring skirts after a chopping match with Ric Flair
Plenty more too - all of these guys have great futures ahead of them.
Jukin over with an insane looking cross calf hold German suplex.
All in all this was a great show - lots of very promising young talent here. Stixx and Juken are doing a fantastic job giving these guys the building blocks for great careers.
Back to the town centre
The post show pint at the lord Roberts. Kopek stout - dark and smoky enough to satisfy.
It was like nectar. The pub isn't badly priced, but artisan facial hair virus is rampant here and the bouncer looks like a cross between porkpie from Desmond's (fuck me I'm dating myself with that reference) and an American 1950s portrayal of a gangster
I like it here - but I'm not shaving while I can remember what the locals look like.
Supplemental- robbing bastards award goes to the Six Barrels, where a pint of snecklifter cost £4.10. I don't know when snecklifter became a craft brew!
Quick tip for anyone going from Nottingham to Lincoln - in the winter, the first train is mid afternoon. The line is closed half of the day for some reason.
The venue here is a church hall - nice retro feel for myself in attending event at a venue like this, not since the old IWF shows in Gateshead have I been to one. It's looking like a decent crowd, a fair amount of youngsters - that's always a good thing when it's advertisement said it was 100% family friendly.
Now, I know this blog is called pints, piledrivers and bus replacement services, there's no alcohol at the venue - again, with it being a family friendly show, this could be a good thing - especially as a lot of folk have driven here. So, for the purposes of this event, I'm rebranding it coffee, codebreakerers and completely misunderstanding Google maps (walking around trying to find the place initially - hey, it's my first time in Nottingham, gimme a break) there's plenty of time for the pint/pub portion afterwards
The venue is about 3/4 the size of the innesfree back in Newcastle - I'll be honest that's about the best frame of reference I can come up with, my estimates of potential house sizes aren't the best (my career as an estate agent beckons), and it is pretty much full - save a few seats that were reserved and not used. Lighting wise 6 full yet filtered square ceiling lights. not filtered as in coloured, but softened to a nice mellow yet functional level. It works here because it suits the venue, it's pretty much full, and the ring is fairly large - there's not much chance of focus being lost.
The ring is a good 2ft extra along each side than the one the I'm used to seeing at home promotions. The ring posts appear to have a little bit of an inward lean on them, I'm not sure if that's intentional or not. Real ropes as opposed to cables, good to see that's a tradition being kept, even if they do tend to loosen over time.
The ring announcer and ref are out with the extremely popular Joey Cement (I might be wrong, but it seems like he's one of the young trainees who's on ring crew - one thing is for certain, he's well over) to give us an introduction to what is happening tonight, they know nothing. Anyone can be involved and anything can happen. The bell rings, and Joey Cement rolls up the announcer for the quick win!
Steven Harris comes out with Harley. They are not well liked here, and it looks like the feeling is mutual.
Sensational Saj Malik is his opponent for this singles match.
Steven is trying to use his technical skills and power against the sensational one, and keep the pace slow. That's not happening straight away, lots of head scissors and fast paced defence / reversals to start from Saj. Harley's keeping her presence felt on the outside with some well placed interference and vocal interaction with the audience.
Steven would eventually get the better of Saj, in a contest that made great use of all of the space in and around the ring. Great (formal) opener.
Six man tag action up next with Sam Spencer, a guy In a tux who's name sounded like Theodore DiamondAnd Harley (with Steven Harris) vs Danny Thomas, Karl Brown and one half of the House of Pain tag champs, BFD.
Harris is ejected at the start of this one. Harley and Harris aren't happy about this in the slightest.
Lots of good interaction with the crowd from the heels
Harley giving a great showing, the fact that she's the only woman in the match isn't phasing her at all
Eyerake on the rope by Diamond and a side suplex right out of Dino bravo 1989 playbook. Nice to see these still being executed so well.
Spencer is an absolute beast, I wouldn't be surprised to see him on more cards soon. So is BFD - who finished it for his team with a black hole slam
Next up: Princess Charlie Logan vs Vegan powered Nick Hendricks
The Vegan as a heel is a bit of an odd one that I've never quite got. The condescending preachy aspect isn't something I've ever encountered in real life situations I've not been able to just walk away from. That being said, this guy wears it well. The obnoxious smirk and dismissal of his opponent today is enough to reinforce his place in this match.
Fantastic big guy vs small woman match, story told really well. With Charlie going over with a roll up
Danny Chase and Sam Spencer are out for the next randomly drawn match - Disco Dan is the opponent
Disco is trying to get chase to dance, and it looks like it might happen
The heels bail and disco brings in Princess Logan and half the audience in to cha cha slide.
Then I don't know exactly what happened, but I might have slipped into an alternative universe where Chase and Spencer did the "time of my life" routine from Dirty Dancing. Full routine including the lift!
Danny Chase gets the win after retaliating to a sneak behind trip and roll up attempt from Disco Dan. Apparently "nobody puts Danny in the corner". The beating he gave the Disco Cat showed us why.
I really hope someone was taping that cause that was so god damned funny it was unreal
Interval - some nice merchandise here - no xls though, so I'm gonna have to go online..
Concrete, the announcer and referee come back to the ring for the second half.
Our second half opener is a tag team match set for one fall.
Syntax is out first - the masked man is massively popular here.
James Stewart is his partner, and does not garner the same reaction. It looks like we have a heel and face team brought together by the draw here
Opposition provided by the other half of the House of Pain tag champs Joseph Starr and Tommy Taylor
Great fundamentals from all 4. Both teams are not getting along.
Starr and Taylor the first to crack with Starr forarming Taylor in the face. Taylor would get revenge when Stewart tagged in, throw syntax out and Taylor took the opportunity to level Starr and dragged Stewart on top of him for the pin costing himself and star the match. Excellent reinforcement of Taylor's recent heel turn.
Nathan Nyx with the Supermodel Visage - or should I say against...
The banter between these two is awesome as they please not to have to fight each other. A double lay down/pin was their first attempt at getting out of it.
Multiple refusals to fight insue until the threat of a double head shave from Stixx' was put on the table.
A reluctant square up with a pinky promise of no face shots starts a pretty good match between these two. The promise held up until visage had his Japanese style paper fan broken amongst the antics.
Visage ends it with a sneaky kick after coming out of a make up hug. Visage is highly entertaining, and Nyx definitely held his own.
Our main event of the night is a 6 man scramble match for the House of Pain Title
The world warrior Juken
Ruthless Bjorn Jones,
House of Pain champion Kyle Kingsley
Timberwolf
The Righteous Joseph Conners
G-wiz Garrett Bond
Highlights - dives, great chain work, towers of doom, Conners going ape on timberwolf leaving him a back redder than the ring skirts after a chopping match with Ric Flair
Plenty more too - all of these guys have great futures ahead of them.
Jukin over with an insane looking cross calf hold German suplex.
All in all this was a great show - lots of very promising young talent here. Stixx and Juken are doing a fantastic job giving these guys the building blocks for great careers.
Back to the town centre
The post show pint at the lord Roberts. Kopek stout - dark and smoky enough to satisfy.
It was like nectar. The pub isn't badly priced, but artisan facial hair virus is rampant here and the bouncer looks like a cross between porkpie from Desmond's (fuck me I'm dating myself with that reference) and an American 1950s portrayal of a gangster
I like it here - but I'm not shaving while I can remember what the locals look like.
Supplemental- robbing bastards award goes to the Six Barrels, where a pint of snecklifter cost £4.10. I don't know when snecklifter became a craft brew!
Quick tip for anyone going from Nottingham to Lincoln - in the winter, the first train is mid afternoon. The line is closed half of the day for some reason.
its been a while...
Ok folks,
I know it's been a while since I got round to posting anything up on here - I've got a couple of shows that I went to and enjoyed throroughly that I've not posted up for one reason or another, and I think its about time that I did.
For anyone that is/was following the blog previously and was wondering what the hell happened to the posts and with the getting to shows etc, here's the lowdown.
The cast is off my ankle and I can pretty much walk around again - standing for long periods of time is still a wee bit too painful, and this "boot" thing that makes walking bearable has the look, feel and practicality of a prop from a low budget knock off of robocop. It does stop the pain whereas the military boot I thought would be a good enough replacement for it doesn't.
Between this and the extra costs of taxi trips into and out of work instead of busses, I've really not gotten out as much as I should have, and that's just not good enough. So, there will be more blog updates, because concrete plans are in place for me to get to the following promotions.
MPW and FTW - these guys run shows all over Tyne and Wear (and County Durham) and I will get to see them soon.
EPW - I see they're running Ashington Leisure Centre shortly - I did night shift security at the end stages of its build/commissioning - Its a great venue I know I can get back to Newcastle from afterwards.
MEW - I was gutted that I missed their last show, especially after Planet of the Primate was so god damn good. "THEEEEEE CLASS APAAAAART" taking the title, however, they are back at the Innesfree social club in Longbenton soon with "4 Way War" - and I will be at that one.
W3L - Running Hexham on an afternoon that doesn't clash with another show elsewhere, and i can get back from on the train or bus? yup, I'll see you there.
ACW - Apollo Championship Wrestling. As much as I love going to wrestling shows, I will travel to see bands that I love as well. so when I see that one of my favorite bands, The Red Paintings (Check them out here) are due to play London on June 4th, the first thing I did was to look up Wrestling events happening on the night before in London. There were two results - BEW's international grand prix, which looks like its going to be epic, but its a two nighter and night two clashes with the gig. I remember getting a copy of wrestlemania 4 when I was a kid, and the second video was just filed up with random crap from TV as opposed to the second half of the event - ever since then I've vowed never to watch half a tournament again. (I'll be back to catch you in the future BEW!) The other one was ACW - their second event "Fear No Foe" takes place on June 3rd, and the talent advertised was enough for me to make my plans to go (Paul Robinson, The London Riots, Jack Sexmith, Damon Moser etc) - coupled with great reviews of their first show, it looks like this is going to be a corker.
NORTH - NCL5 Head Over Heels on July 1st - NORTH have been putting on consistantly fantastic shows recently - Andrew's doing a great job in running this one. honestly - if anyone is in the vicinity of Newcastle, I whole heartedly recommend paying this one a visit.
Later in the year, I'm hoping to get around a bit more to more places - the planning is getting a fair bit easier to do now, and I really want to visit more cities I've never been to.
On the personal side of things I'm fulfilling an ambition in a couple of days and going to have a pop as stand up comedy. I don't think I'll be incorporating wrestling into that, but if it goes well, and the confidence comes I might offer myself about as a ring announcer/VOD commentator - hey, it might be worth a go, and the old saying goes "shy bairns nee sweets" doesnt it? Yes. Yes it does. Where I live anyhow.
Right so without chuntering on further, I'll get to editing and posting the House of Pain show from Nottingham, the Tidal Championship Wrestling show from the second day of my weekend in Leeds,
and North NCL4: We're in this together
See you at Ringside, or at the bar, or on the bus.
I know it's been a while since I got round to posting anything up on here - I've got a couple of shows that I went to and enjoyed throroughly that I've not posted up for one reason or another, and I think its about time that I did.
For anyone that is/was following the blog previously and was wondering what the hell happened to the posts and with the getting to shows etc, here's the lowdown.
The cast is off my ankle and I can pretty much walk around again - standing for long periods of time is still a wee bit too painful, and this "boot" thing that makes walking bearable has the look, feel and practicality of a prop from a low budget knock off of robocop. It does stop the pain whereas the military boot I thought would be a good enough replacement for it doesn't.
Between this and the extra costs of taxi trips into and out of work instead of busses, I've really not gotten out as much as I should have, and that's just not good enough. So, there will be more blog updates, because concrete plans are in place for me to get to the following promotions.
MPW and FTW - these guys run shows all over Tyne and Wear (and County Durham) and I will get to see them soon.
EPW - I see they're running Ashington Leisure Centre shortly - I did night shift security at the end stages of its build/commissioning - Its a great venue I know I can get back to Newcastle from afterwards.
MEW - I was gutted that I missed their last show, especially after Planet of the Primate was so god damn good. "THEEEEEE CLASS APAAAAART" taking the title, however, they are back at the Innesfree social club in Longbenton soon with "4 Way War" - and I will be at that one.
W3L - Running Hexham on an afternoon that doesn't clash with another show elsewhere, and i can get back from on the train or bus? yup, I'll see you there.
ACW - Apollo Championship Wrestling. As much as I love going to wrestling shows, I will travel to see bands that I love as well. so when I see that one of my favorite bands, The Red Paintings (Check them out here) are due to play London on June 4th, the first thing I did was to look up Wrestling events happening on the night before in London. There were two results - BEW's international grand prix, which looks like its going to be epic, but its a two nighter and night two clashes with the gig. I remember getting a copy of wrestlemania 4 when I was a kid, and the second video was just filed up with random crap from TV as opposed to the second half of the event - ever since then I've vowed never to watch half a tournament again. (I'll be back to catch you in the future BEW!) The other one was ACW - their second event "Fear No Foe" takes place on June 3rd, and the talent advertised was enough for me to make my plans to go (Paul Robinson, The London Riots, Jack Sexmith, Damon Moser etc) - coupled with great reviews of their first show, it looks like this is going to be a corker.
NORTH - NCL5 Head Over Heels on July 1st - NORTH have been putting on consistantly fantastic shows recently - Andrew's doing a great job in running this one. honestly - if anyone is in the vicinity of Newcastle, I whole heartedly recommend paying this one a visit.
Later in the year, I'm hoping to get around a bit more to more places - the planning is getting a fair bit easier to do now, and I really want to visit more cities I've never been to.
On the personal side of things I'm fulfilling an ambition in a couple of days and going to have a pop as stand up comedy. I don't think I'll be incorporating wrestling into that, but if it goes well, and the confidence comes I might offer myself about as a ring announcer/VOD commentator - hey, it might be worth a go, and the old saying goes "shy bairns nee sweets" doesnt it? Yes. Yes it does. Where I live anyhow.
Right so without chuntering on further, I'll get to editing and posting the House of Pain show from Nottingham, the Tidal Championship Wrestling show from the second day of my weekend in Leeds,
and North NCL4: We're in this together
See you at Ringside, or at the bar, or on the bus.
Friday, 10 March 2017
What the hell did I just watch? 1 - ultimate death match
Ok - since I'm laid up with a broken ankle, I thought I'd make use of the unlimited data plan I've got from three (Cheers guys) to at least do something. So I looked up something pro wrestling related on a little website called filmon.tv - and boy was I surprised at the plethora of bargain basement guff on there. Since I ballsed up my first attempt at walking on crutches and almost did my good foot in during an impromptu breakdance attempt, it looks like I've got a day or two with sod all to do apart from change position every now and again and consume the culinary delights of cafe Royal Victoria Infirmary. So here goes with the first of a trilogy of a little curiosity that might just kill some time.
Ultimate death match
We're pretty much dropped straight into a backstage type meeting at a wrestling school/show/training school on about the dwindling audiences for wrestling on TV. Who's in the ring talking to folk on the outside? It's perennial stars to any weird shit they can shoehorn wrestling into films, Kevin Nash, and Shane Douglas. Oh boy, there's a seal of quality right there.
We get given the premises that the business is on its arse and it's time to innovate. Ok fair enough.
Random singular papparazo accosts a promoter, and we get the second lead-in story - a wrestler had a heart attack in the ring at an indy show and the athletic commission took the promoters license away. The reporter is politely told to depart and the promoter is shown in a bar. Two guys kick shit out (read badly implement heel wrestling spots on) of the promoter in the bar for him being responsible for the death of "Johnny".
The typewriter font credits finish
I'll be honest, at this point I'm developing an ear worm of "things can only get better" by D:ream because it looks like nothing is going to make this any more horrible.
How wrong am I? It's the hat trick, Al Snow is here. Apparently his name here is Frosty. I don't see a carrot anywhere, if I did, I'd cut it into slices and carefully layer the slices over my eyes to create a blindfold. A review is what I said I was going to do, and by God I'm going to stick to my guns on this one. Luckily I have another round of painkillers due in about half an hour so that should take the edge off.
Anyhow - Frosty is talking to "Jimmy" (who was with Nash and Douglas during the intro. They're arguing over still running a show after Johnny Pain died. "Jimmy" has an idea
A blonde woman who looks vaguely familiar appears - it looks like she's Frosty's partner. Frosty relays the idea of a pay per view tournament where someone "dies" in the main event, but it's all a work, nobody is actually getting killed and hey, the money's good . The blonde woman doesn't trust Jimmy at all and does a good job of being the pissed off wife, and tells out sub-zero friend to do what he wants, walking off as if he's just asked to go to the pub with his mates on their anniversary.
Quick cut to an office, and apparently the ATF and FBI have gotten wind of the idea.
Back to the school/gym and Jimmy is laying down the tournament to the prospective competitors.
Back to the FBI office, where street clothes guy passes off the web address for the pay per view and some card details. The FBI guy "Bognor" (no, it's not fake razor) is pissed off with the whole thing and wants to be out catching bank robbers.
Bognor, fuck off. You can either risk dying outside of a bank somewhere or watch a really shitty wrestling show. Honestly, I've never seen a show so bad it's made me want to go and start a fight with someone who might have a gun instead. Take the job and be happy with it you miserable sod.
Now that the back story is done with, it's pay per view time. Frosty James and double R are our announce team tonight. Dear god this is awful.
Frosty: yes, that's right tonight, in this ring someone will die.
Double R: yes frosty, death for a price, and we're excited about this new type of entertainment
Frosty: well R and R, it's not really a new type of entertainment, I mean the Roman gladiators have been doing it thousands of years ago
Opening banter aside, the premise is as follows:
8 competitors in a round robin tournament (single elimination surely). In the first round anything goes and KO or submission is the only way to win. The winners move on to the finals where there are no rules (I'm guessing pinfalls count after round 1 - is Vince Russo booking this?). In the championship match someone gets $3 million and the opponent goes home in a wooden overcoat.
Let's meet the contents:
Match 1 - The Beast vs Larkin
Frosty is on promo duty. The Beast (no idea) is here to kill someone, and the masked Larkin is too busy pissing himself laughing or having a series of small strokes (I couldn't tell because the acting is bloody awful) to care.
Frosty asks if he's the only sane one around here. That's pushing it a bit mate, your participation in this debacle already means your room is getting lined with rubber while you're out filming, and not because the blonde woman is getting kinky.
To the ring. The beast is mad over. The crowd shots we keep cutting to focus on a guy with a cigar wearing a black cowboy hat and a bunch of women with him.
Larkin is all over the Beast to start - the Beast comes back with a hand bite, a finger split and a kick up the arse. Kerb stomps by the Beast and a variety pack of headkicks.
A paving slab gets involved somehow. Beast is blatantly going for the KO with all these head attacks. Paving stone to the back of the head for the knockout. Beast wins. Apparently not by fatality, but pretty close.
Cut to a box room somewhere - the promoter is watching the analytics. His henchman is wearing an eye patch. Not enough evil bastards wear eye patches anymore.
They've just broke 10 million viewers. Perfect time for the promoter to ask the henchman if he lost his eye in a "masturbation accident". Harsh, and completely out of left field!
Wobbly screen flashback to him getting a syringe pushed and emptied into his eye. Wobbly screen return to present and the henchman replies in a sombre tone "I don't remember".
Promoter tells the Cyclops to get frosty to push the death angle. The Cyclops heads off to comply while giving possibly the least menacing menacing chuckle imaginable - and bearing in mind I've seen Prince of space, that's saying something.
Match 2 is Jimmy Flame VS Azul. Bloody hell.
Jimmy Flame cuts a 2003 era CZW style promo. All foul language and over the top threats from our slack jawed typically southern friend, who does look like he's been paid in either meth, or meths.
Azul is a luchador apparently. 3rd generation - and he looks like the distant cousin of a random villano. I don't know which one - if you've got a dice to hand roll it and write it in yourself. This should be interesting.
Flame has a chain with him as we cut to the ring. Flame has "dynamite" written on his tights. Azul is luchadoring his ass off and getting the upper hand on flame when we cut back to the FBI office.
Bognor is taking a call from his mother when his crony and a blatantly off her face on something female officer rock up in the background. The phone call ends and Bognor is reminded to watch and record the event because they think someone is going to die. He's still not having it.
Back to the match. Azul is still running rings around Flame. Flame comes back, much to the delight of our cowboy friend in the VIP booth.
Flame with a choke using the chain, and a top rope fist drop into azul's head on top of the chain.
Azul kicks flame in the back, and hits him with the balled up chain. "Blood" everywhere at this point (It's not a blade job, that looks sod all like actual blood)
Flame ejects the ref for no reason. Lots of back and forth with the chain between these two until Azul finally gets choked out with the chain. Flame advances
Match 3
Dash venture Vs Aaron bolo
Bolo cuts a bi-lingual promo. Dash just wants to win the money and be "notorious"
Dash has a pop at a fan and is levelled by bolo. The match gets underway and bolo (apparently south Korean) is no selling hard until he gets his balls caved in. Venture is properly heeling it up with the crowd while choking bolo out.
A jawbreaker reversal gives bolo the upper hand, venture exposes a turnbuckle, slams bolo's head into it and hits a DDT for the knockout.
The crowd half drown out the post match promo.
We cut to the Cyclops (Doc) and the promoter. Who reiterate that Dash really wants to win. Good job because we couldn't hear a bloody thing dash said after that match.
Match 4 - Pauli ventura Vs Russian python.
Python shouts something in Russian, Pauli is doing it for the money and to get his family back. Not sure how or where he lost them, but there you go.
Python attacks with a mop handle - that must be some mop because that handle is around 7 feet long. Pauli takes over and knocks out python with a knee to the head.
Doc Cyclops is stroking a gargoyle in the promoters office. Promoter sends Doc out to get him the Beast. Looks like the beast is getting the push here.
Beast accosts Pauli who is now bleeding for some reason - it didn't happen during the match. Doc separates them. I'm guessing he's more of an agent than a henchman.
Cut to the ring and a random match in progress. TKO vs Steve Rush. There's a crutch wrapped in barbed wire being used. TKO opens a bag of drawing pins. Both him and Rush end up in them. No finish shown. The commentary is hilarious on here.
Frosty briefly discussed the morality of the event with the promoter, not really getting any answers.
It is single elimination. The round 2 graphic proves it.
Dash vs the Beast. More awful promos. The Beast dominates this one and is apparently a heel now. Lots of throat and neck work here. Frosty can't tell the difference between a sidewalk slam and a spine buster. Dash reverses a piledriver, but the advantage is short lived as the Beast takes over again. A DDT gives the Beast the win.
Another DDT afterwards just for good measure. Harsh.
Pauli ventura vs Jimmy Flame
Flame is on top for a good portion of this one. Russian python is shown shaking hands with the promoter and saying "I'll do it". What "it" is, I dunno, but I'm sure it won't be long until we find out.
Pauli gets the upper hand back and knocks out flame for the victory.
Beast vs Pauli ventura is our final. The prize money increased to $5 million somewhere along the line.
Pauli is in the promoters office. The promoter gives him a heads up that the Beast isn't playing around.
The commentators tell us that there's 15 million viewers, so the prize money increases to $7 million.
Just as we're about to get started, we cut to the back and Doc has spiked a drink he's given to Pauli. What a dick.
Pauli is blatantly done for here. The Python and the Beast take liberties on Ventura. Drugged Pauli is rolled to the outside. The fans aren't happy. Presumably because nobody died. The promoter pits the Python and the Beast against each other in the final. Beast quickly attacks Python and beats him down. The eye gouges throughout this film have been bloody horrible looking.
That paving slab is back from before. For a quick shot or two. The Beast hits a piledriver to kill the Python, and take the money.
In the promoters office, they seem happy with the whole affair and the 27 million viewers. Doc goes to get the helicopter. The cowboy and his women leg it for a limo. Frosty rolls it up with a rant about how "we all had a part in this murder" and proceeds to have a meltdown over being implicated in this event - so he was ok with it up until now? - he's off to find promoter Jake, and double R completely no sells the whole thing wrapping up the broadcast in a calm, professional manner while Python is laying dead in the middle of the ring.
Cut to the FBI office, and Bognor is on the phone to a superior confirming the death. He can't believe they have a murder to solve.
The credits come up - here's a few nuggets from them:
Commentators: Frosty James and Brutus beefcake (that looked and sounded fuck all like Ed Leslie)
Cameraman: cornbread, ring rat, bung .T. chopper.
The gags go on throughout. These are blatantly the credits for the show within a show.
Frosty catches up with promoter Jake and confronts him about the death being a shoot. Jake tells him he can either take the money and do one or hang around for the coppers to turn up. Double R reappears with Frosty's kit and they bugger off.
We get some out-takes of the promos while the actual credits roll.
This was just over an hour of my life I'm never going to get back, but it was this or the lingerie fight club. I'm on a ward in a room with three other guys, im not watching that here.
Ultimate death match
We're pretty much dropped straight into a backstage type meeting at a wrestling school/show/training school on about the dwindling audiences for wrestling on TV. Who's in the ring talking to folk on the outside? It's perennial stars to any weird shit they can shoehorn wrestling into films, Kevin Nash, and Shane Douglas. Oh boy, there's a seal of quality right there.
We get given the premises that the business is on its arse and it's time to innovate. Ok fair enough.
Random singular papparazo accosts a promoter, and we get the second lead-in story - a wrestler had a heart attack in the ring at an indy show and the athletic commission took the promoters license away. The reporter is politely told to depart and the promoter is shown in a bar. Two guys kick shit out (read badly implement heel wrestling spots on) of the promoter in the bar for him being responsible for the death of "Johnny".
The typewriter font credits finish
I'll be honest, at this point I'm developing an ear worm of "things can only get better" by D:ream because it looks like nothing is going to make this any more horrible.
How wrong am I? It's the hat trick, Al Snow is here. Apparently his name here is Frosty. I don't see a carrot anywhere, if I did, I'd cut it into slices and carefully layer the slices over my eyes to create a blindfold. A review is what I said I was going to do, and by God I'm going to stick to my guns on this one. Luckily I have another round of painkillers due in about half an hour so that should take the edge off.
Anyhow - Frosty is talking to "Jimmy" (who was with Nash and Douglas during the intro. They're arguing over still running a show after Johnny Pain died. "Jimmy" has an idea
A blonde woman who looks vaguely familiar appears - it looks like she's Frosty's partner. Frosty relays the idea of a pay per view tournament where someone "dies" in the main event, but it's all a work, nobody is actually getting killed and hey, the money's good . The blonde woman doesn't trust Jimmy at all and does a good job of being the pissed off wife, and tells out sub-zero friend to do what he wants, walking off as if he's just asked to go to the pub with his mates on their anniversary.
Quick cut to an office, and apparently the ATF and FBI have gotten wind of the idea.
Back to the school/gym and Jimmy is laying down the tournament to the prospective competitors.
Back to the FBI office, where street clothes guy passes off the web address for the pay per view and some card details. The FBI guy "Bognor" (no, it's not fake razor) is pissed off with the whole thing and wants to be out catching bank robbers.
Bognor, fuck off. You can either risk dying outside of a bank somewhere or watch a really shitty wrestling show. Honestly, I've never seen a show so bad it's made me want to go and start a fight with someone who might have a gun instead. Take the job and be happy with it you miserable sod.
Now that the back story is done with, it's pay per view time. Frosty James and double R are our announce team tonight. Dear god this is awful.
Frosty: yes, that's right tonight, in this ring someone will die.
Double R: yes frosty, death for a price, and we're excited about this new type of entertainment
Frosty: well R and R, it's not really a new type of entertainment, I mean the Roman gladiators have been doing it thousands of years ago
Opening banter aside, the premise is as follows:
8 competitors in a round robin tournament (single elimination surely). In the first round anything goes and KO or submission is the only way to win. The winners move on to the finals where there are no rules (I'm guessing pinfalls count after round 1 - is Vince Russo booking this?). In the championship match someone gets $3 million and the opponent goes home in a wooden overcoat.
Let's meet the contents:
Match 1 - The Beast vs Larkin
Frosty is on promo duty. The Beast (no idea) is here to kill someone, and the masked Larkin is too busy pissing himself laughing or having a series of small strokes (I couldn't tell because the acting is bloody awful) to care.
Frosty asks if he's the only sane one around here. That's pushing it a bit mate, your participation in this debacle already means your room is getting lined with rubber while you're out filming, and not because the blonde woman is getting kinky.
To the ring. The beast is mad over. The crowd shots we keep cutting to focus on a guy with a cigar wearing a black cowboy hat and a bunch of women with him.
Larkin is all over the Beast to start - the Beast comes back with a hand bite, a finger split and a kick up the arse. Kerb stomps by the Beast and a variety pack of headkicks.
A paving slab gets involved somehow. Beast is blatantly going for the KO with all these head attacks. Paving stone to the back of the head for the knockout. Beast wins. Apparently not by fatality, but pretty close.
Cut to a box room somewhere - the promoter is watching the analytics. His henchman is wearing an eye patch. Not enough evil bastards wear eye patches anymore.
They've just broke 10 million viewers. Perfect time for the promoter to ask the henchman if he lost his eye in a "masturbation accident". Harsh, and completely out of left field!
Wobbly screen flashback to him getting a syringe pushed and emptied into his eye. Wobbly screen return to present and the henchman replies in a sombre tone "I don't remember".
Promoter tells the Cyclops to get frosty to push the death angle. The Cyclops heads off to comply while giving possibly the least menacing menacing chuckle imaginable - and bearing in mind I've seen Prince of space, that's saying something.
Match 2 is Jimmy Flame VS Azul. Bloody hell.
Jimmy Flame cuts a 2003 era CZW style promo. All foul language and over the top threats from our slack jawed typically southern friend, who does look like he's been paid in either meth, or meths.
Azul is a luchador apparently. 3rd generation - and he looks like the distant cousin of a random villano. I don't know which one - if you've got a dice to hand roll it and write it in yourself. This should be interesting.
Flame has a chain with him as we cut to the ring. Flame has "dynamite" written on his tights. Azul is luchadoring his ass off and getting the upper hand on flame when we cut back to the FBI office.
Bognor is taking a call from his mother when his crony and a blatantly off her face on something female officer rock up in the background. The phone call ends and Bognor is reminded to watch and record the event because they think someone is going to die. He's still not having it.
Back to the match. Azul is still running rings around Flame. Flame comes back, much to the delight of our cowboy friend in the VIP booth.
Flame with a choke using the chain, and a top rope fist drop into azul's head on top of the chain.
Azul kicks flame in the back, and hits him with the balled up chain. "Blood" everywhere at this point (It's not a blade job, that looks sod all like actual blood)
Flame ejects the ref for no reason. Lots of back and forth with the chain between these two until Azul finally gets choked out with the chain. Flame advances
Match 3
Dash venture Vs Aaron bolo
Bolo cuts a bi-lingual promo. Dash just wants to win the money and be "notorious"
Dash has a pop at a fan and is levelled by bolo. The match gets underway and bolo (apparently south Korean) is no selling hard until he gets his balls caved in. Venture is properly heeling it up with the crowd while choking bolo out.
A jawbreaker reversal gives bolo the upper hand, venture exposes a turnbuckle, slams bolo's head into it and hits a DDT for the knockout.
The crowd half drown out the post match promo.
We cut to the Cyclops (Doc) and the promoter. Who reiterate that Dash really wants to win. Good job because we couldn't hear a bloody thing dash said after that match.
Match 4 - Pauli ventura Vs Russian python.
Python shouts something in Russian, Pauli is doing it for the money and to get his family back. Not sure how or where he lost them, but there you go.
Python attacks with a mop handle - that must be some mop because that handle is around 7 feet long. Pauli takes over and knocks out python with a knee to the head.
Doc Cyclops is stroking a gargoyle in the promoters office. Promoter sends Doc out to get him the Beast. Looks like the beast is getting the push here.
Beast accosts Pauli who is now bleeding for some reason - it didn't happen during the match. Doc separates them. I'm guessing he's more of an agent than a henchman.
Cut to the ring and a random match in progress. TKO vs Steve Rush. There's a crutch wrapped in barbed wire being used. TKO opens a bag of drawing pins. Both him and Rush end up in them. No finish shown. The commentary is hilarious on here.
Frosty briefly discussed the morality of the event with the promoter, not really getting any answers.
It is single elimination. The round 2 graphic proves it.
Dash vs the Beast. More awful promos. The Beast dominates this one and is apparently a heel now. Lots of throat and neck work here. Frosty can't tell the difference between a sidewalk slam and a spine buster. Dash reverses a piledriver, but the advantage is short lived as the Beast takes over again. A DDT gives the Beast the win.
Another DDT afterwards just for good measure. Harsh.
Pauli ventura vs Jimmy Flame
Flame is on top for a good portion of this one. Russian python is shown shaking hands with the promoter and saying "I'll do it". What "it" is, I dunno, but I'm sure it won't be long until we find out.
Pauli gets the upper hand back and knocks out flame for the victory.
Beast vs Pauli ventura is our final. The prize money increased to $5 million somewhere along the line.
Pauli is in the promoters office. The promoter gives him a heads up that the Beast isn't playing around.
The commentators tell us that there's 15 million viewers, so the prize money increases to $7 million.
Just as we're about to get started, we cut to the back and Doc has spiked a drink he's given to Pauli. What a dick.
Pauli is blatantly done for here. The Python and the Beast take liberties on Ventura. Drugged Pauli is rolled to the outside. The fans aren't happy. Presumably because nobody died. The promoter pits the Python and the Beast against each other in the final. Beast quickly attacks Python and beats him down. The eye gouges throughout this film have been bloody horrible looking.
That paving slab is back from before. For a quick shot or two. The Beast hits a piledriver to kill the Python, and take the money.
In the promoters office, they seem happy with the whole affair and the 27 million viewers. Doc goes to get the helicopter. The cowboy and his women leg it for a limo. Frosty rolls it up with a rant about how "we all had a part in this murder" and proceeds to have a meltdown over being implicated in this event - so he was ok with it up until now? - he's off to find promoter Jake, and double R completely no sells the whole thing wrapping up the broadcast in a calm, professional manner while Python is laying dead in the middle of the ring.
Cut to the FBI office, and Bognor is on the phone to a superior confirming the death. He can't believe they have a murder to solve.
The credits come up - here's a few nuggets from them:
Commentators: Frosty James and Brutus beefcake (that looked and sounded fuck all like Ed Leslie)
Cameraman: cornbread, ring rat, bung .T. chopper.
The gags go on throughout. These are blatantly the credits for the show within a show.
Frosty catches up with promoter Jake and confronts him about the death being a shoot. Jake tells him he can either take the money and do one or hang around for the coppers to turn up. Double R reappears with Frosty's kit and they bugger off.
We get some out-takes of the promos while the actual credits roll.
This was just over an hour of my life I'm never going to get back, but it was this or the lingerie fight club. I'm on a ward in a room with three other guys, im not watching that here.
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